A critical spanking: the most brutal reviews of Fifty Shades Freed

Daily Texan Staff

"Fifty Shades Freed" is the 3rd and thankfully the final chapter in this trilogy about sexual abuse and lack of consequences. Problematic as the franchise may feel in our post-Weinstein world, consider it further proof that targeting female moviegoers - a demographic that's somehow still underserved by Hollywood - is never a bad idea. Possible there could be another "Fifty Shades" film?

Following their engagement in the last flick, Anastasia (Dakota Johnson, "How to Be Single") and Christian (Jamie Dornan, The Fall) tie the knot, hop on a private jet, and head off to a lavish honeymoon vacation.

After watching all three of these movies and reading half the first book, I still haven't the faintest idea what Christian Grey actually does, besides stare out of skyscraper windows looking troubled. Dakota Johnson without question is the selling point for the film. It ebbed and flowed and, most of all, it took its time.

Take Glossier, for example.

During his appearance, Jamie revealed that Dakota schooled him on the proper way to remove her underwear. And while the brand's PR declined to share sales data with Racked, multiple media outlets (including this one) covered the lip color's placement in the sequel.

The soundtrack does feature a few previously released songs such as "Heaven" by Julia Michaels, "Capital Letters" by Hailee Steinfeld x BloodPop®, and "For You (Fifty Shades Freed)" by Liam Payne and Rita Ora, and there also songs from Dua Lipa, Jessie J, Sia, and Ellie Goulding. Dakota Johnson is one of the most watchable actors in Hollywood today, hitting numerous same beats that end up leading Kristen Stewart down the path of arthouse star. His portrayal of so many different genres is something that many comics have tried to do over the years but only a handful have ever really been able to accomplish.

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"Fifty Shades Freed doesn't quite end with the bang one would hope for", says critic Jordan Mintzer.

The Weeknd's Fifty Shades of Grey track was also featured on his second studio album, Beauty Behind the Madness. Yet when she's hired to renovate the Greys' new home, it never occurs to her to ask her clients what they want before going ahead and drawing up complicated plans that, surprise surprise, turn out to be exactly the opposite of what her clients want.

He remains controlling, demanding, unrelenting, while each time she shows glimmers of independence, he snuffs them out, a pattern best captured when she proudly declares she wants to remain "Ms. Steele".

Dornan as Christian begins to show his weaker side in this film, and that's not a bad thing. "That doesn't really bother me", he explained. "There's definitely a halo effect in addition to the direct sales of that dress", she adds.

Fifty Shades Freed is released in United Kingdom cinemas on Friday 9th February 2018. Except we can confirm that Ana doesn't die, so we guess he was only partially right. So long as it makes people laugh and doesn't cross too many lines it's worth it to watch. "No, your honor", the architect will say, "I saw nothing in his behavior that suggested he didn't totally trust his wife".

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